I can not get free from my desires, my needs, my feelings. and I am useless as I anyone can be. damn this life

I will be dead and I know it. Death will be the end of it all. the struggles, the desires, the hope, the heartaches,everything.

I had the lung transplnt surgery on may 4th 2023. star wars says hello! lol! lots of things has happened since then and I am too tired to write about them. I am not out of woods yet.

I was hospitalized for about a month. one or several steps closer to death. when somebody feels that his death is getting closer , a lot of other's people's daily problems seem laughable/ pathetic to him.It is an interesting feeling for me though.In a movie called ghost rider II, there was a charact...

I have been sicker recently.. to tired and lazy to write my thoughts.I found out something intresting a couple of days ago. when I was about 25, I did not know much about philosophy, Albert Camus, Nietzsche,... However I remember a night, I was with my friends from medical schools, driving in underp...

My birthday was a couple of days ago. sometimes I wish I was not bo . my worldview makes being alive a useless struggle. no afterlife, no god, no heaven, no hell, no punishment no reward, nothing. so why bother? especially if you have an incurable disease or you are raped or you are poor or... all t...

It has been a while. I wanted to write earlier but I am tired, lazy and maybe scared. my mother is here. poor woman.. already had a shitty husband and shitty life and now has to take care of her disabled son at the age of 60. I remembered why I left my country. because of family problems. my father ...

There comes the time ( or times ) when I feel empty, sad, hollow inside... hollow like a atom. the most important thing in human life is the state of his mind. granted that he is not actively dying and the mind is not clouded by drugs. it is all co ected to passing the DNA again.the purpose of life ...

As I said millions time before the most important factor in your life is luck. some people have it, some people don't. everybody's fate is already sealed they just don't know it yet.everybody is bo alone an die alone and sometimes live alone. everybody experiences the world differently than others. ...

sometimes, for a couple of dasy in a row, I don't have the energy to get out of the bed. I more sleepy.It can be due to ILD, hypothyroidism or depression. I have had nightmares recently. It involved my father and going back to Iran to die. If I can go back to Iran I will die of this disease. there i...

Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness. (The architect- The Matrix Reloaded)

-how long has he been in a coma? : I am not really sure... 5 years..10 years..

There is no higher calling...There is no divine purpose...Somebody f*cked someone and you were bo /produced to f*ck someone else to produce that other one to f*ck someone to ......got it?

The plane is crashing, the walls are closing, and nothing can be done...the destiny is calling.